it has been a year since we parted at the familiar green gates, a year since we've worn that white and blue piece of clothing. the memories still linger, the friendship still kept on.

adlin, its only two more weeks before you are leaving for melborne AGAIN, and suddenly i rmb that very day at the airport. if i'm not wrong, it was 10th feb. i didnt want to see you off because i know i'll cry. yup, i went in the end and i did cry. because i know i wont be seeing you for a whole year, and because i'll miss you so very much. you were one of my dearest friend, you have always been there whenever i needed someone to talk to, you were ever so understanding. you were one whom i see as a true friend, who really tried her best to be there for everyone who need her. and yup, i love you for that. love you, my dear friend. =)

WELCOME BACK,
ADLIN DEAREST!!!!!!!!

i've missed you so much, girl.

LOVE and HUGS and KISSES,
michelle =)

When you hurt my mum, you've hurt me even deeper.
how deeply, no one knew but myself.
No one knew that it had affected my very much, those feelings i have against you.
Each time mummy talks about it, another bout of crying follows. childish, it may seem. but i couldnt help it.
i cried, filled with anger at you. Anger, anger, anger. Then, upset that everything had turned out this way.
You changed everything just by that childish action of yours, the relationship soured because of you.
You thought you had the right of way, but really, you didnt.
My mum, my dad, my sisters and i, will distance ourselves since you prefer it this way
i know i couldnt hate you, i know i love you just the same.
i tried to forgive you, but try as i might, i just can't bring myself to.
at most, it will be down to filial piety.
hopefully, time will heal all.

Till we meet again.

i feel guilty for not having blogged for such a long time. but im now here to get this blog going. i know ive made a dozen crazy promises to keep this blog alive yet ive yet to liven up to my to my promise. and now, this is for real. mich, so sorry for neglecting this blog all these while.

this other entry, is so strong that it has captivated me from the very moment i read it. im saying it not for the sake of it, but because i truly am able to put my feet in the shoes of the writer itself.

during the past two years, many walked in and out of my life, leaving with them a part of me. and its not as though i didn't try to safe the friendship. i did. but to no avail. this year, leaving behind everything ive had built up and come to love, my self-esteem hit rock bottom. for the past few months, i clung to every bit and morsel of the past. i could not bring myself to forge new ties, new friendships, new relationships. i just could not bear to be hurt again. i thought of the friends i had back home-the good times, the bad times, the memories. these were the fuel that got me going for the first few months.

but then, i started to live through my worst nightmare. the person who had been by me all these while was slowly retreating away. i tried to save the remance of the friendship. not once, not twice nor thrice but four times. and at the final try, i knew that was it. i could not bring myself to hold on to the ghost of the friendship any longer.

its only in the last few weeks or so was i finally able to lead my life back to normality. it took me long enough to get over this extinguished light. every night i pray, i pray that this flame will relight again.and till now, im still praying.

and in response to the other post, that one candle might have burnt out. but there still are the remaining lit candles. love you.

Doing some random questions that gets passed around blogs, one question got me thinking: who do i miss now. Who, i ask myself. and i find myself missing you. Because we haven't talked in the longest time. Because we haven't met since the beginning of the year. Because our lives seem to not have each other in it anymore. But you still are, part of my life, my memories, my dear friend. i don't know why i'm being so emotional suddenly, but i have to free my mind space by leaving it somewhere- here.

i thought about those days, and even more of our friendship. It seem so distant now, though it was just barely a year ago when it still stood strong. we shared those times, happy and sad, fun and nervous. But now, we hardly know each other.. You blog, i still visit, but feel far too distant to even leave a note behind. That's just how things have become. i regret letting our friendship slip away. Was there ever the effort to save it? Or is it because our friendship was never strong enough in the first place. But i thought our friendship was the strongest i've ever had. i thought we'll be the best of friends forever. i thought.... i always take words seriously, if i say friends forever, i mean it. and for us, it was, best friends forever. but does it still stand now? i don't know. Do you?

Tears descended, and soon, i find myself falling asleep. But i wake up finding that nothing has changed. The thoughts are still there, the faint past still remains. But you have, i have, and perhaps even our friendship, have changed?

the memories have faded, the candles have blown out.
Hasn't it?